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I just had a very enjoyable day off, yay!  I slept in until noon and then had lunch with my new friend, she’s a nail client of mine and we “clicked” right away – so much so that we are talking about opening a thrift store together.  From here on out I will call her my thrift store friend.  We picked a name for our thrift store today and set ourselves “homework” for the next week’s meeting.  Having a plan and hope for the future is a remarkable tonic!

After lunch I went to Target and picked up a beautiful bracelet on clearance that I will probably never really wear because it’s so elegant and formal (lots of rhinestones) but it made me happy so I bought it.  Next I went to Shopko to return a shirt and walked away with 7 bottles of nail polish, including one color which I already have and will have to exchange for another color, lol!  I counted all my nail polish  bottles after I got home and I have 110!  I should probably stop buying more there’s so many pretty colors out there…  Later I met my husband at home and we went to see the new Hunger Games movie, which I really enjoyed.

Now I am watching Dr Who on Netflix and blogging, fun, fun, fun!

I like good days.  Good days are so much nicer than the hard days.  Days like today help me stop focusing on days like Sunday when my younger daughter and I were at the store and having a good time hanging out together.  Towards the end she received a text from her boyfriend’s mother saying “What did you do?” and then the mother called her.  Apparently the boyfriend had tried to call her and when her phone answered he said that he heard laughter, somebody said “Oh crap” and the phone disconnected.  His very first thought is that she’s cheating on him so he calls his mother, crying, who texts and then calls my daughter to find out what’s going on.  Her phone has been on the fritz and she never received a phone call from him, I can verify that, but whatever he thought he heard sure freaked him out.  She talks to his mother and tells her she never received his call and that she’ll call him after we get home.  His mom warned her that he was very angry and she would have to calm him down.

My daughter acted like this was all matter-of-fact and  just a part of regular, everyday life with him, much like having to purchase eggs and bread on a regular basis.  Which, unfortunately, it seems to be.  She told me that she calls and texts his mom often to see how to best talk to him, calm him down and relate to him because “his mom knows him best, he calls her for everything”.

There’s so many things wrong with this scenario that it makes my head spin.  Manic paranoia to think that laughter and “Oh crap” equals cheating.  Major attachment issues to still be calling mommy for every little thing at 20 years old.  Mom appears to believe everything he says because her first communication, the text, was “What did you do?”.  My daughter’s acceptance of both of their behaviors and resignation to the fact that she will have to call him and they will “have a fight but I’ll talk him through it and we’ll work it out” when we get home.

She has no idea that this is not a normal, healthy relationship.  She said that he’s had so much bad luck with relationships that he doesn’t know what to do with a good one and that it’s up to her to be there for him and calm him down because she and his mom are the only two people in the world who know how to do that.

I’m afraid for her.  It’s going to take more and more convincing to calm him down as time goes by.  What’s going to happen when he becomes so paranoid that she can’t calm him down?  Will he become physically violent and dangerous if she ever does decide to leave him?

She is past the point of listening to me about this relationship so all I could tell her was that she doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly no matter what anyone’s past history is and she shouldn’t be afraid to stand up for herself.  That’s it, that’s all I could say.

Don’t let him treat you badly, you deserve to be treated well.

You deserve so much more than this…

It’s like I’m in a time warp, watching my own life through a magnifying glass.  My every bad decision is exponentially worse and has larger consequences in her life.  I can only hope that I’ve instilled a greater sense of self-worth in her than I ever had to help her get through – and out – of it eventually.

Please God, let her see she is worth so much more than the life that’s waiting for her with this guy, please!

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I confess, I do almost all my blogging late at night when I can’t sleep.  Then again it is the only time I can be sure of remaining uninterrupted… <sigh>  But I don’t stay up purposefully to blog and I guess you could probably track how well I sleep by the length of time in between posts – what a crazy life I live!

Let’s see, I’m tired of the negative going on in my life and nothing has really changed anyway. I think I’ll write myself a fairy tale.

Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived alone in the woods of an undiscovered island in a cottage by a stream running into the ocean.  She slept when she was tired, ate when she was hungry and wore whatever clothes suited her fancy and looked good with bare feet.  She made molasses crinkle cookies, sponge cakes and divinity any time she felt like it and drank Dr. Pepper all day long.  She loved making a fire on the sand and could watch the flames dance all night, sometimes she even danced with them.  She enjoyed the beauty of the ocean and filled her cottage with pretty shells, oddly shaped stones and the occasional driftwood from the beach.  For fun she made paintings of the trees in her forest and after the sun went down she sat at her piano to write songs and sing to her hearts content.  She was not lonely because she talked to the animals and trees in the forest, and to herself.  She had intelligent conversations when she answered herself.  Her life was full of beauty and tranquility.  She lived a nice, long time and died peacefully while reclining in a chair on the beach, staring out over the water.  After she breathed her last breath the ocean embraced her in a large, gentle wave and pulled her to itself, never to be seen again.  Many years later an explorer discovered her cabin and brought her music, art and shell collection back to the mainland where it was supposed to be displayed in a museum but wound up getting lost in storage and eventually was sold off one piece at a time in curiosity shops up and down the coast.  The End.

Ha, ha!  That was fun and it made me giggle!  Maybe I can go to sleep now and dream of my cottage on an undiscovered island…

Obviously, the world did not end.  Yay.

So rewind just a tad to the night before our Big Talk.  I had asked my husband if he would talk to our younger daughter alone and leave me out of the conversation.  He declined to acquiesce to my request.  I made it very clear that I did not believe that taking away her electronic devices and trying to force our daughter to make our choices and not hers was the right thing to do, that it would completely backfire and chase her further into her boyfriend’s arms and farther from us.

He completely agreed with me that those results were much more likely than the results he wanted out of the conversation and yet he insisted that he must still have this conversation with her. What?  Why?

Knowing that what he doesn’t want to happen has a greater chance of happening because of this conversation makes him as determined than ever to do it?  All that I can think of is this conversation with her is his way of being able to sleep at night, his way of convincing himself that he’s done everything he possibly can to be a good parent and stop her from being a bad child.  And that does seem to be his main focus, that she’s disobeying him by staying up past the curfew he’s set, by blocking him from her Facebook page, by not sharing every thought inside her head, etc.

Fast forward to the Big Talk.  My  husband has warned my sister and our renter to stay out of our house while we have our talk.  He lit every candle in the house – very unlike him – and pulled three chairs into a circle.  He sat down in one, I sat in another and he called our daughter out.  I was so embarrassed to be there I could hardly look her in the eyes but she made me so proud of her.  I thought that she really handled the situation well and while it was clear to me that she wasn’t about to just give in to her father’s nicely worded statements she also stood up for herself in small but obvious ways, at least to me.

In essence he backed off from his previous stance that all her electronics should be taken away and he focused on her health like I asked him to.  She did agree that for her health she should get to bed earlier and eat better.  We expressed our concern that she might not graduate from too many missing days and she said she does want to graduate.  We set new curfews for talking to the boyfriend to which she agreed, although I have no doubts that she never planned to follow them, and then we went out for dinner.  A nice, happy family outing where we laughed and acted completely normal.

Since then everything has been same ‘ole, same ‘ole, for our family at least.  We’ll see how long it lasts…

I took my younger daughter’s senior pictures today, my attempt at capturing one of the last moments I have with her before tomorrow.  There are quite a few that I thought  turned out really well, I’m so glad we were able to do that this afternoon.

My husband is determined to go through with his plan of taking her laptop, tablet and phone away from her tomorrow evening for a month.  The laptop was something I purchased for her but the tablet and phone she bought herself and she pays for her phone bill herself.  She’s two months away from being 18 and I don’t think it’s right to take away the things she bought herself.  As a matter of fact it’s not right to take away a gift either but my husband seems to believe that the desired result will justify the means.

I had a chat with my husband tonight and asked not to be involved in tomorrows conversation and subsequent confiscation of the electronics but he wants me to be there.  I stated I was uncomfortable with this course of action and believe it will seriously backfire; by not being involved with tomorrows conversation I was hoping to leave a door open for her to see me as a parent she could still talk to.  He believes that we need to present a united front and that by both of us stating our concern for where her choices are leading her she will change her ways.

Uh huh.

Maybe I’m overreacting.  I hope so.

On a positive note, I met with a new friend today, a nail client who has asked me to consider opening a thrift store with her.  We met for lunch and will spend the next two weeks researching how to get a business license, tax ID and other legal paperwork accomplished, think of thrift store names and look for business locations.  This is a bright spot in life for me right now, a goal to work for and give purpose that is entirely outside of anything going on right now to my days.  I didn’t realize how much I needed that.

The saga continues, hopefully tomorrow will go better than I think it will…

Remarkably, nothing much has happened since my last post.  Tempers have cooled and life has gone back to seeming like normal.

Except it isn’t normal.

My youngest daughter is just as fixated on Mr Wrong as ever, all the while amicably agreeing to communication curfews and orders to “go slow” in this relationship but never having any intention of doing so.  She has gone so far as to create a Facebook page with his and her names listed as though they were married and I believe she sees herself as bonded to him as if they are already married.  I also believe that the very next time he sees her in person he will ask her to marry him – and I believe that she will say yes.

My husband is fed up with her antics and came up with this grand plan to take her laptop to a techie friend of ours to hack into it looking to see what her communications with him are like and hopefully come up with something illegal (she’s a minor and he’s 20) that will get him arrested and/or kicked out of the military.  While this is exactly what I want to do as well, however, I’m convinced that those actions will only drive her closer to Bad Boy and farther from us so I’ve told my husband that I don’t have a better solution to offer but I don’t agree with what he’s planning.  Amazingly enough she reset her laptop to factory specs to get rid of a virus the day before the hacking was to take place rendering dear hubby’s plan utterly useless.

I am horribly torn between wanting to shield her from the consequences of her actions by forcefully stopping her from making this situation any more worse than it already is – and – letting her be the grown up she will legally be in two months and experience life in all it’s glory and agony.  Loving this immature, psycho boy in a man’s body is a Bad, Bad, Very Bad Choice and from what she’s told me of him will most likely give her a life ranging from moderately scary to death.  I don’t want her to live that life at all but I would rather be a part of her life and provide what comforts and refuge I can while she goes through it than for her to shut me out completely and walk it entirely alone.  I see those two options as my choices.

My husband feels that he cannot stand by and watch her piss her life away on this boy who “liked” Playboy on his Facebook page and steals her every waking moment so therefore he is the devil.  My husband doesn’t even know about the psycho part…  He is planning to “bust” her on the fact that she has ignored the communication curfew and take away all of her electronics for a month.  I’m fairly certain she will just move out at that point, especially since her best friend’s mom has already said she can go live with her as we are obviously too controlling, ugh!

The “busting” will happen on Tuesday and he wants us to present a “unified front”, sitting together and taking away her electronics together.  I suspect the world as I know it will come to a screeching halt immediately after and I’m not looking forward that at all.

At all.