I just had a very enjoyable day off, yay!  I slept in until noon and then had lunch with my new friend, she’s a nail client of mine and we “clicked” right away – so much so that we are talking about opening a thrift store together.  From here on out I will call her my thrift store friend.  We picked a name for our thrift store today and set ourselves “homework” for the next week’s meeting.  Having a plan and hope for the future is a remarkable tonic!

After lunch I went to Target and picked up a beautiful bracelet on clearance that I will probably never really wear because it’s so elegant and formal (lots of rhinestones) but it made me happy so I bought it.  Next I went to Shopko to return a shirt and walked away with 7 bottles of nail polish, including one color which I already have and will have to exchange for another color, lol!  I counted all my nail polish  bottles after I got home and I have 110!  I should probably stop buying more there’s so many pretty colors out there…  Later I met my husband at home and we went to see the new Hunger Games movie, which I really enjoyed.

Now I am watching Dr Who on Netflix and blogging, fun, fun, fun!

I like good days.  Good days are so much nicer than the hard days.  Days like today help me stop focusing on days like Sunday when my younger daughter and I were at the store and having a good time hanging out together.  Towards the end she received a text from her boyfriend’s mother saying “What did you do?” and then the mother called her.  Apparently the boyfriend had tried to call her and when her phone answered he said that he heard laughter, somebody said “Oh crap” and the phone disconnected.  His very first thought is that she’s cheating on him so he calls his mother, crying, who texts and then calls my daughter to find out what’s going on.  Her phone has been on the fritz and she never received a phone call from him, I can verify that, but whatever he thought he heard sure freaked him out.  She talks to his mother and tells her she never received his call and that she’ll call him after we get home.  His mom warned her that he was very angry and she would have to calm him down.

My daughter acted like this was all matter-of-fact and  just a part of regular, everyday life with him, much like having to purchase eggs and bread on a regular basis.  Which, unfortunately, it seems to be.  She told me that she calls and texts his mom often to see how to best talk to him, calm him down and relate to him because “his mom knows him best, he calls her for everything”.

There’s so many things wrong with this scenario that it makes my head spin.  Manic paranoia to think that laughter and “Oh crap” equals cheating.  Major attachment issues to still be calling mommy for every little thing at 20 years old.  Mom appears to believe everything he says because her first communication, the text, was “What did you do?”.  My daughter’s acceptance of both of their behaviors and resignation to the fact that she will have to call him and they will “have a fight but I’ll talk him through it and we’ll work it out” when we get home.

She has no idea that this is not a normal, healthy relationship.  She said that he’s had so much bad luck with relationships that he doesn’t know what to do with a good one and that it’s up to her to be there for him and calm him down because she and his mom are the only two people in the world who know how to do that.

I’m afraid for her.  It’s going to take more and more convincing to calm him down as time goes by.  What’s going to happen when he becomes so paranoid that she can’t calm him down?  Will he become physically violent and dangerous if she ever does decide to leave him?

She is past the point of listening to me about this relationship so all I could tell her was that she doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly no matter what anyone’s past history is and she shouldn’t be afraid to stand up for herself.  That’s it, that’s all I could say.

Don’t let him treat you badly, you deserve to be treated well.

You deserve so much more than this…

It’s like I’m in a time warp, watching my own life through a magnifying glass.  My every bad decision is exponentially worse and has larger consequences in her life.  I can only hope that I’ve instilled a greater sense of self-worth in her than I ever had to help her get through – and out – of it eventually.

Please God, let her see she is worth so much more than the life that’s waiting for her with this guy, please!

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