I had always heard that girls were harder to raise than boys but I never really believed it… until now.

My youngest daughter is ripping my heart into little, tiny shreds – and I thought that had already been done but nooooo, the pieces CAN get smaller, ugh!  This month, I have found out many things I didn’t really want to know.

The biggest ones are that my youngest daughter has:

1.  Accepted the Bad Boy’s proposal so they are engaged.
2.  Had sex.  I’m not going to say with how many guys since even one is too many at her age but I’ll just leave it plural.  Her boyfriend/fiance is the one that told my husband this – what a crappy guy!  I was hopeful that his volunteering this information to her father would cause her to break up with him but no such luck.
3.  Started smoking about 6 months ago and had been vaping for about a year before that, which means she started well before the Bad Boy so unfortunately I can’t blame this one on him.
4.  Admitted to lying more than she tells the truth.  She says she is working on it and wants to stop lying but I can see that it’s become such a strong habit of hers that it’s very hard for her to start being completely truthful all the time.
5.  Been physically beat up for years and years by her older sister.  I was hesitant to believe her because of all the lying she’s done but I was actually able to get outside corroboration on her story and it’s absolutely true – I had no idea, none whatsoever and I feel like such a horrible mother for not knowing about it and stopping it.  She always had bruises but she was so active we just assumed it was from her playing outside and when questioned about it she always said she didn’t really know, must have been from when she was playing so we believed her.  At one point we did figure out that our older daughter was pushing our younger daughter’s buttons until she exploded but the older daughter was very, very hard to catch in the act and eventually we assumed she had stopped her button pushing.  In reality she just got better at being subtle about it.

Over the last four months the Bad Boy/Fiance has:

1.  Threatened to break up with her because she sat on the bus with an old boyfriend for a several-hour trip with the color guard.
2.  Broken up with her at least twice because of her lying – and then made up with her after a few hours of her crying her eyes out and begging him to take her back.
2.  Broken up with her because she wouldn’t stop being friends with her best friend – and then made up with her again after more crying and heartbreak.  (This was just tonight.)  He was so angry she wouldn’t stop being friends with her best friend that he hit something, busted his knuckles open and had to go to the hospital to get it stitched up.  I tried to tell her that if she had been there he might have hit her instead of the wall or whatever it was that he did hit and she refused to believe me, saying he would never hit a woman, she trusts him.  I feel like I have given birth to an idiot except what she really is is a victim.

This boy has been in at least three car accidents in the last four months (he tells her they were not his fault or no-fault), he is easily angered, aggressive, controlling and emotionally abusive and she makes excuses for him every time saying “I don’t blame him for acting/speaking to me this way because of my past”.  I tried to tell her that by thinking this way she is giving him permission to be abusive towards her but she doesn’t believe me.  I’ve told her that she has a hole in her heart from not having a father’s love like she needed from her father and this guy is just like her father AND he says he loves her so he’s filling the hole in her heart but it will end in heartache and misery and she doesn’t believe me.

She is failing her senior year because she’s been sick so much this year – in large part because she stays up all night talking to him and won’t go to bed and then doesn’t eat very much and is very proud of the 10 – 15 pounds she’s lost since she met him 4 months ago (so I’m wondering if he’s telling her she’s fat).  I asked her if she’s gotten a bad reputation at school because of who she’s slept with and she said that yes she has.  I offered to let her stop her senior year and re-start it next fall at a completely different school where nobody knew her.  She refused because she’d rather be with Bad Boy and seems to think that they can get married and then she’ll finish her senior year.  Yeah right.

I am terrified for her because she won’t believe me when I say this relationship is dangerous for her.  I am sooooo angry at her sister and at myself and my husband for not catching on to the physical abuse she was receiving.  I am wounded beyond words watching her do everything in her power to re-live my life despite my warnings.  I am afraid that Bad Boy is going to hurt her, maybe even kill her and that she won’t even fight back – she will just let him do it because she has no value in her own eyes and she thinks she deserves that kind of treatment.  Sometimes just thinking about all of this makes it hard to breathe…

Life is going to change in January, I don’t know exactly how but something’s got to give.  I can only pray that she will trust me more than she trusts him so I can get her away from this relationship.

 

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