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Dear 2017,

This new year is very important to me and you are not going to screw it up!  Here are the things I WILL be doing in the ext 365 days, in random order:

  1.  Moving to Montana
  2. Getting a job and real housing
  3. Beginning, finishing a cosmetology course and passing the licensing tests
  4. Beginning the beauty instructor course
  5. Making new friends and staying in contact with my old ones
  6. Start painting again
  7. Begin writing poetry and songs again
  8. Find somewhere to sing publicly
  9. Go on at least 6 dates (providing there is somebody out there crazy enough to want to ask me out…)
  10. Go to the ocean for no less than two full days at least one time
  11. Stop drinking caffeinated sodas regularly and limit them to special occasions
  12. Pay off my one remaining debt (other than my car) and not get any new debt (aside from student loans)
  13. Go for a walk at least 4 days a week, every week

Thank you, that is all.

For now…

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For the very first time ever I went back and re-read every single blog post I have written here, it was very interesting to see where I’ve changed, remember things I had forgotten and make a few realizations about myself…

The very first thought that popped into my head when I had finished was “I’m not nearly as funny as I think I am!” Ha, Ha!  Oh well, it’s not going to stop me from being me, eventually somebody will think I’m funnier than I do 😉

The next thought I had was “Why have I worked so hard to keep this blog and my identity a secret?  Good grief, there’s really not any juicy details in here at all!”  But the truth of the matter is that if my ex had read this blog while I was still married he would have been so angry with me and I would have lost my safe place to express my feelings.

I feel like I should clarify that he never hit me (or our children) or abused me physically.  I wish he would have because then I would have felt free to leave him much earlier but his abuse was far subtler and took me years of seeing counselors here and there to realize he really was abusive.  Anyway…

Back to this blog – before we were married he found my diary and asked if he could read it.  Stupidly I said yes, believing that we shouldn’t have any secrets between us and after he read it he was upset that I wrote about having feelings for someone else BEFORE I MET HIM.  I should have known then that this wasn’t going to work out but I was incredibly young, dumb and naive… so instead I burned my diary and never kept another paper one because I realized he would always find them and read them if he could.

Dear God, I should write a book about who not to date or marry…

I am not a great writer but it is very therapeutic for me to write things down and get them out of my system, eventually I always come back to some form of writing despite the dangers of it being discovered.

I’ve decided that I’m still going to keep most of my details vague, I’ve given access to this blog to a few of my closest friends but it makes me feel better to think that it’s still “anonymous” even though I know that true privacy is a fairy tale in this day and age.  (The Machine is real!  Where’s Jim Caviezel when I need him?)  Also, just because of who I am, I have no desire to make my ex-husband look bad by airing his dirty laundry in public, that would just be rude.  And I suspect he has not changed enough to pull off another marriage so the truth will come out in it’s own good time…  was that mean?  Probably.  Oh well…

Oh, another thing I realized is that I think I know why my former mother-in-law is so upset with me… In the letter I sent to my family – and his – trying to explain why I left him I said that my ex was just like my mother.  Which is very true.  It is also something I had told him several times so it was not news to him but it probably was new information to his mother and his mom was not a big fan of my mom.  I really should have had someone read that letter before I sent it, it was far too long and went places there was no need to go <sigh>.  Oh well, it is what it is and I can’t change it now but her icy coldness to me makes a little more sense now.

I also realized that I never wrote about my Las Vegas trip!  That will have to be it’s own blog, it’s funny now that I’m a good six months away from it…

Speaking of being positive, I also felt like a great many of my posts had a forced sense of optimism to them, which surprised me.  I think I am a fairly positive person and always try to see the upside of things but it felt more like I was making desperate grabs at something I wanted to feel but didn’t or maybe that I was attempting to cover up how bad it really was by focusing on my faith that things would get better.  Well then.  I’ll have to think about that for a bit longer…

Today, I’m healthy physically and emotionally – I haven’t been on any medication for depression, anxiety, insomnia or my thyroid for an entire year now.  I’ve gained a bit of weight, OK – a lot of weight, since the hysterectomy last year but I guess that’s normal and I’m going to have to fight even harder to lose weight from now on than I did before.  Oh goodie…

Mentally and emotionally I’m stronger – I’ve learned how to deal with angry people and be confident in my own self and the skills that I have.  I’ve learned how to walk away from people who are toxic to me and love them from a distance where they can’t wound me anymore and I’ve even been able to stand up for myself on multiple occasions.  Practice makes perfect, eh?  (Please Lord, stop giving me opportunities to practice…)

Spiritually I feel bigger?  I’m not sure of the right word for that one.  I’ve simplified my list of do’s and don’ts and that has strengthened my faith considerably.  In October I started going to a little church near where I used to work and I love it.  It’s a tiny  little congregation, maybe 20 people on any given Sunday but they worship for most of an hour and it’s so real there.  Some days the service is a beautiful disaster.  People, both on the stage and off, are completely genuine and there is no show there.  The messages are spoken, not preached, with input welcomed from the congregation so frequently it feels like a group discussion more than a lecture.  I’ve learned a lot this year about God and His goodness, He has taken such good care of me and I know He will continue to do so during this next step in my journey.

If sharing my journey helps you then I’m glad and if you’re in a life like mine don’t give up!  If you want to be friends then say so in the comments, we’ll figure something out.  If you want to donate to the cause my PayPal address is… no, just kidding.  If you want to help go find someone in  your own life who is lonely or sad a lot of the time.  Find someone you suspect is being abused in some way and go be their friend.  Help them.  There’s a lot of us out there with stories like mine and more people out there with stories worse than mine.  Just go make a difference in one life, it will be worth it, I promise.

And Dear God, if somebody out there is friends with Keanu Reeves please have them introduce me… He is such a handsome man and everything I’ve read about him says he’s a nice guy too. It would be so niced to meet a nice guy… <sigh> 😀

This has been such a crazy but really good year, wow!

For outward accomplishments: I started working towards moving to Montana, I took two trips to the ocean, went to Las Vegas and three trips up to see friends and family.  I fixed up and sold my little trailer house, paid off 98% of my debts and went to live with friends for the last 2 1/2 months of the year.  I got a Montana Nail Tech license, applied for cosmetology school in Montana and quit my job.

My internal accomplishments are a little harder to measure but I have to say they are the ones I am most proud of.

The one year anniversary of my divorce came and went without bothering me.  I didn’t even remember it until a day or two afterwards. I even survived seeing my ex for the first time since we filed for divorce at my twin nieces high school graduation where he and his mother rolled waves of anger in my direction and she glared at me (at MY brother’s children’s graduation, really?) until I left early – but I survived, lol!

The announcement of my ex-husband’s engagement filled me with relief, I wasn’t at all unhappy or bitter about it (which kind of surprised me).

I feel like I’ve made a good connection with my older daughter.  It’s not as good as I hoped to have but it’s far better than what it was when we started this year and I am very grateful.  She has started texting “I love you” back to me when  I text it first (still won’t say it to my face” and just once, last week, out of the blue she texted “I love you” to me without me having texted it first so I think we are going to be OK.

My younger daughter is almost finished with her alternative high school and will be graduating on Feb 2nd.  I am very proud of her!  Just recently she has decided that she would like to move to Montana and be with me in July, after the lease on her apartment runs out.  I am excited but not holding my breath.  There’s a lot of time between now and then and the minute she gets a boyfriend I know she’ll change her mind but I’d really like it if she moved up to be with me.  We get along really well and enjoy hanging out together.

Going through several rounds of Angry Asian Bosses throughout the year cured me of any romantic illusions I still harbored about the older brother while at the same time gave me the courage and skills I needed to stand fast in the hurricane of anger the older two siblings at the shop (brother and sister) directed towards me.  This was probably the most important lesson I learned this year and is possibly the reason God delayed my move to Montana until now.  Standing up to angry people is a strength I never had, not ever.  Not with my mom, not with my ex husband, not with my brothers, not with my bosses or co-workers…  not with anyone.  Anger has always overwhelmed me and I melt into a puddle on the floor when other people’s anger touches me.  Even strangers angry at other strangers around me has brought me to tears many times.  Yes, I’m overly sensitive to in a lot of areas, I know…  But the Asian culture is so different from anything I’ve ever known.  These guys truly are my family and have honestly treated me better than my own brothers have.  They all love me very much and I know that without a shadow of a doubt.  They take care of me in so many ways and all of them, but one of the sisters in particular, has probably spent more money on me by buying me clothing, jewelry, meals and  the trip to Vegas in the last 2 years than my ex-husband spent on me in gifts over the 20 years we were married.  But when they are angry they get very angry very fast and it doesn’t matter if they’re angry about incorrect information because they won’t listen to me try to explain – they see trying to explain as being disrespectful.  So I have to sit there and listen to them be angry at me and saying the same things over and over again until their anger has finally died out.  And then when they’re done being angry it’s over in an instant and we’re back to rainbows and unicorns again, gives me frickin whiplash… It’s a painful process.  Questions are allowed and will be answered but they will absolutely not believe me when I say that when I was whispering to a customer or another white worker I was NOT saying bad things about them – or giving them my phone number and trying to steal their customer… in their culture whispers are automatically something bad and never just trying to keep certain bits of a person’s life story private.  <sigh>  But I think I can do it now.  I think I can raise my shield and deflect the anger enough to have a mature conversation with an angry person and walk away knowing for certain whether or not I was truly at fault and that I have done all I can do to fix the situation.  That was a lesson I have needed to learn all my life so I guess now is better than never!

And my heart… I think I’m more open to another relationship than I was at the beginning of the year.  If I do get a boyfriend and consider marrying him I fully expect to have sex before getting married simply because I’m still petrified of tying myself to another marriage bed.  I had sex once, it lasted 20 years and I’m not at all anxious to repeat the experience.  If I wait until marriage, like a good little girl, and then find out it isn’t the partner but sex itself that I can’t stand then I am sunk.  I might as well kill myself the day after the wedding because my life will be a living hell from that point forward.  So yeah.  I’m going to have sex outside of marriage at some point.  Phew!  That was hard to say.  It completely goes against everything I’ve been taught and believed my whole life but I don’t see another way around it.  Maybe I’ll just stay single, but I don’t want to.  I want to love somebody fiercely and be loved extravagantly in return.

I was going to leave for Montana today and go tomorrow to talk to the beauty school about financial aid but they are closed until Monday for the holidays, so I am waiting to leave until next week.  This is such a huge step for me, it’s terrifyingly exciting and I’m getting anxious to go.  There is a homeless shelter in the same town as the beauty school, it’s a Christian ministry designed to help people get back on their feet and I’m hoping that they will let me stay there until my financial aid kicks in and I can afford housing on my own.  Otherwise it’s pretty much going to be living in my car for a month or so because I just don’t have enough to live and pay rent.  But big change requires big sacrifices and this change will be worth it, I just have to get through these next few months, lol.  Pray for me…

Happy New Year’s everyone and many blessings upon your 2017!

I have one day left at my job and then my adventure begins!  I’m excited and terrified, eager and reluctant, broke and… broke lol.

This is all, absolutely happening according to God’s plan. My plan was to move last April with $5,0oo in my pocket from the sale of my little trailer house and have lots of time to start beauty school, find a job and a place to live.  But if I had moved last April I would have gone to the beauty school that closed its doors forever at the end of October so I would have had to stop my schooling in the middle and move to the school that I will now be attending – which is an hour away from where my dad lives.  Now, I’ll be living in the town where the school is and driving the hour to see my dad once a week instead of every day.  Also, my younger daughter was not interested in moving to Montana with me until just last month.  Now, she wants to move up with me in July when her lease is up.  And there’s more, smaller things that have turned out to be a blessing because I didn’t move when I originally planned on moving.  And the money from my trailer has gone to pay all of my bills off, with the exception of my car, so now I have the bare minimum expenditures possible, which will be a big help AND I used the trailer money to set aside everything I need to cover all of December and January’s bills, giving me the month of December’s earnings to pay for last-minute expenditures (like Christmas and replacing the wheel bearings in my car, ugh!) and all of January to get a job capable of paying my bills come February and going forward.

My taxes from 2015 are finished, paid and mailed in, making my FAFSA legit and therefore qualifying me for grants and student loans.  I’m going to make my first trip to Montana next week/the week after Christmas and go talk to the beauty school about finances, ask if any students need a roommate, check with local salons about getting a part-time job  while I’m in school and visit my folks.  Once I’ve got my lodging and school finances settled I’ll make another trip or two up there with my belongings and be completely moved into my new life!  The goal is to have everything done by January 23rd when  school starts…

In the meantime, the shop is closed on Christmas day so Monday will be my first, official day out of work and I plan on spending it in my pajamas, watching movies and eating finger foods allllll daaaayyyyyyy lllooooonnnnggg.

I know that God’s hand is in this major life change for me and He will not leave me hanging.  All the details have worked out for the best so far and I chose to trust him for the ones I don’t have answers for right now.  Like the song says – every little thing is going to be all right.

Merry Christmas everyone!

I want a hand to hold.

Strong hands with long fingers and veins running across the back of the hands and up the arms.

Musical hands that can pluck the strings of my heart.

Working hands connected to muscled arms and broad shoulders that will wrap themselves around me and make me feel safe.

I want a smiling face above me and a kind voice in my ears that encourages and asks me questions.

Feet that will find adventures with me.

A heart that loves others the way I do and loves me more than I can love myself.  A heart that needs to be loved as much as I need to love.

I want to touch skin with my fingertips.

Eyes that see me beautiful even when I’m in the middle of dying my hair.

Lips that will kiss my forehead.

I want a hand to hold.

Because somebody has to say it…

A lot of people care about me and love me but so many others don’t have that.  It’s a big, wide world out there and our culture has stripped so many people of any desire – or ability – to care for, much less love, others.

In our pursuit of our American “rights” – to be heard, speak our mind and have it our way – we trample on the hearts of others believing, somehow, that their being hurt by our words and actions is their own fault for not supporting us, or maybe that because they are not able to be strong enough to stand up for themselves (like we are) that they deserve whatever ill treatment they get.

This is so wrong!  We are better than this, America!

Stop being spoiled, sassy-mouthed whiner-babies and turn all that energy you’re wasting on verbalizing your angst into action that will help create a solution.  You don’t like the way veterans are being treated?  Get involved!  Find a practical way to help the ones in your community.  If you are bothered that children and the homeless in your community are going hungry while so much food is being wasted by grocery stores and restaurants then find a way to work with those businesses to put that food to good use.  Posting something on Facebook that says “Like if you think grocery stores should be required to give their old food to homeless shelters” accomplishes absolutely nothing towards making that happen.  Zip.  Zero.  Nada.  And complaining about who’s going to be our next president?  There is nothing you can do about it unless you’re going to run for election in four years so spouting your mouth off about how it’s the end of the world only makes YOU a harbinger of fear and YOU are creating chaos in the lives of the people around you.  YOU, not the president-elect.

Venting your spleen about how unjust your life is instead of trying to find a way to make it better is simply adding wood to the fire that is going to burn your house down.  You’re whipping people’s emotions into a frenzy that cannot be satisfied except by rioting, violence and the unnecessary death of innocent people at the hand of a mindless mob who, as separate individuals, would never dream of doing what was done as a group when they are stirred up so senselessly.

Stop incessantly complaining that nobody is out there changing the world to your liking when you won’t even TRY to change the little bit of the world that you live in.  After all, who is going to find a solution to what bothers you better than you?

At the very least, speaking badly about anything and everything that bothers you at every moment possible does little more than suck joy and happiness out of each life you touch.  Is that really who you want to be?  I hope not.

I think exercising twice in less than seven days is a good start, especially when that meme: “I forgot to go to the gym today, that makes 3 years in a row…” could have been created in my honor, ha, ha.

But to back up a wee bit, today was a hard day.  Mondays are paydays for me and as I sat and did my budget and looked to the future, balancing it against the budget I came to the realization that I may have to be homeless for a bit.  Really, truly, live-in-my-car homeless.  I’ve set aside enough money to cover my December and January bills but there isn’t enough left over to rent even a room in someone else’s house, much less get one entirely to myself.

I cried.

I mean, I’m officially homeless right now and living with a friend and after I left my ex almost two years ago I was officially homeless for three months and lived with my sister but not once in my entire life have I ever even had to consider living in my car.

I’m teetering on the edge of terrified and I did a lot of math…  Possibly not a good combo but you do what you gotta do…

The money I got from selling the trailer home I lived in has, for the most part, gone towards bills.  My beauty school bill took over a third of it and then I was stupid last year and co-signed for my younger daughters best friend (and the best friend’s boyfriend) to get brand new phones and attach their phone plan to mine – which they then lost their jobs and then they broke up and stopped paying their bill, and, and…   That Stupid Tax is going to cost me almost $1200.  AND I still have to file – and pay for – last year’s taxes so there’s another $1200 or so that’s spoken for. Ugh!  I’ve been trying to pay down or off any remaining debt I have – like my younger daughter’s Emergency Room visits from when I was still married.  (Those bill were already in my name only since he was never interested in taking her to the hospital when she needed to go and after her concussion she had to go a lot.)  If I could get everything paid off except my car and my cell phone (I need to keep that on payments to keep the special insurance on it that they don’t offer anymore that lets me replace my phone up to three times a year instead of once a year for the same price because I use it for business and can’t be without a phone.  How’s that for a super-long sentence inside another sentence?) then I would have around $700 in monthly bills to pay every month.  Add to that rent and utilities and wi-fi and food and gas and… I’m working full-time and I make what I need to get things covered just fine with a tiny bit extra for fun but I’m planning on going to school full time and hoping to only have to work one day a week!

Panic attack, I’m having a panic attack…

I should qualify for student aid – both grants and student loans – but I’m not at all sure how those work, having never been to college before and my previous beauty school was too new to accept financial aid so I never even tried applying for any.  I’ve started applying for scholarships online so hopefully something will work out there as well but we’ll see…

The more I think about it the more I realize – it’s worth it.  Even if I have to live in my car for a month or two (in the middle of winter in Montana) while my student aid, grants and loans are figured out this change I’m trying to make in my life is worth it.

The panic attack subsides…

I’m committed, I’m going.  I’m going to change my life by going back to school and being closer to my father.

I looked up homeless shelters in the town I’m moving to (where the beauty school is, an hour from my father) and there appears to be just one but it’s good sized and has a program to help people get jobs and their own housing.  Hopefully I will qualify to live there but I’ll talk to them face-to-face when I make my first trip up there after Christmas.

The panic attack is gone but I’m still weepy and emotional, crying at the drop of a hat and hoping my Vietnamese family can’t tell because it was a long, slow day at work and we mostly just sat around playing on our phones.  Seriously NOT helping the whole I-need-to-make-as-much-money-as-possible-in-the-three-weeks-I-have-left thing.

I decided I’d better go to the Y and do some exercise tonight to take my mind off of being homeless… and to help justify the $45 I paid for a month’s membership…

The good news – I lost 3 pounds, yay!  I tried a Zumba class and really liked it.  There were ladies there who were bigger than me and ladies who were less coordinated than I am so I felt comfortable in my little spot, as close to one corner of the back row as I could get.  I also felt like learning Line Dancing might be easier because they move fast!  So now I’m interested in trying to learn Line Dancing – hopefully they still do it in Montana, lol.  At some point during Zumba I realized that I had subconsciously chosen one of the very few spots where I couldn’t see myself in the mirror.  I really hope I can get to a place someday where I like my own body…

Then I went to the private exercise area in the women’s locker room and tried to use the stationary bike but that little tiny seat was sooooo uncomfortable I gave up after just a few minutes and moved over to the rowing machine that had a nice, wide seat to sit on, ha!  I rowed away for about 20 minutes while watching Quantum Leap on my tablet.

I changed into my swimsuit and then spent 10 minutes looking for the key to my lock.  It was on a rubber band that I had around my wrist and all of a sudden it was gone!  I went through my purse, my gym bag, my clothing – and then I checked everything a second time and could not find that key anywhere!  Lo and behold it was in the lock when I finally swung the locker door closed…

I made it to the hot tub – which was not very hot, by the way, and tried to relax in the luke-warm water but it was full of people and since I didn’t know any of them I became nervous, a feeling which only got worse when a good looking, youngish guy with grey in his beard (so maybe he was closer to my age?) climbs into the not-hot tub.  It took me a couple attempts of not staring at him to confirm that he has beautiful, pale blue eyes.  And a neatly trimmed beard.  Did I mention the beard?  I like facial hair…  Keanu Reeves with facial hair?  OMG…  Ahem…  Anyway…  I can see that this guy is also trying not to look at me and we exchange smiles.  Still not trying to stare at each other.  Then something breaks the ice and he introduces himself, we chat a little bit, he mentions he has a wife… Dammit! yet he stays quite friendly and it’s back to feeling awkward again so I look for a clock, excuse myself and leave the hot tub.

Seeing the look on his face as I got out of the tub made me cry again.  My belly is so big!  He went from looking interested to “Whoa!”

It was nice to feel like someone was interested in me after all this time.  It was creepy to know he had a wife and still made me feel that way.  Was there something wrong with him or was I just picking up signals that weren’t there, wishful thinking?  It’s comforting to know I lost some weight and I still have time to lose some more before I move.  It was eye-opening to realize that simply receiving attention freaks me out, I have to get over this… somehow…

I don’t think my life will ever read like the fairy tale I had planned for myself as a child and that’s OK.  There are things I wish I had done and said and believed differently in the past but I can’t change that.  What I can change is the future and once I’ve got this education I’ll be able to do almost anything I want to do in the beauty industry AND I’ll (hopefully) have a closer relationship with my dad, his wife and her children, my brothers and their families and some of my high school friends…

Even if I have to be live-in-my-car homeless for a while… it’s worth it.

 

I hurt all the time and I’ve been having troubles with my back, hips and knees so my massage lady (one of my nail customers) has recommended that I stretch more.  When I left my husband I was 217 pounds, the heaviest I’d ever been and after I left him I lost just over 30 pounds and really enjoyed the way I looked.  Then, almost exactly a year ago I had a hysterectomy and started gaining the weight back.  Somehow my tummy has become the biggest part of me and I think it’s trying to be it’s own person… I wish it would hit those teenager years and run away from home sometime soon…

To be fair, when I lost the weight I wasn’t eating well or hardly at all and so I never felt very good while I was looking nice.  After the surgery I couldn’t do much for six-ish weeks except sit, watch movies and eat so it was easy to gain the weight back again.  Now, I’ve sold my trailer-house, packed all of my earthly possessions into two mini-storage units and I’m living with a friend and her family until it’s time for me to move in January.  Bless their hearts, they don’t really have space for me but they’re letting me stay with them anyway.  I sleep on a real bed (wahoo! I’d been on an air mattress for the last 5 months) and live out of my suitcases on the floor – there is no room to stretch out and/or exercise soooooo I joined the YMCA today.

The scale at the Y put me at 218 pounds, officially at my heaviest and knowing that I am officially larger than I have ever been was very depressing and I could almost see my image in the mirror plumping outwards until saw myself as the white, fat chick version of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Oh dear God, save me, I’m so big…

I sat in the hot tub for a while and then I went to the not-cold pool and waved my arms and legs around under the water in an effort to accomplish this thing called exercise.  I did it until I was out of breath and figured that was a good start for a girl who hadn’t burned a purposeful calorie in most of 43 years.  Back to the locker room where I showered and changed into my comfy, baggy clothes and then, much to my delight, I found a little tiny area in the women’s locker room that had some exercise equipment in it so I didn’t have to go into the main exercise area (where there were a bunch of guys) so I used two of those machines for a little while and then I went back to my friend’s place feeling good about myself because yes I did, I exercised!

So now I’m contemplating life, the universe and everything.  I’m trying to have as little debt as possible when I  move – I’ve paid off a bunch of things and an working on the rest.  I still have to file my taxes from last year because I owe, for the first time i my life I owe on my taxes, grr!  I was not expecting that so it was one more kick in the teeth from the divorce…

Speaking of the ex, he is getting re-married in February and our younger daughter is having a really tough time with it.  I keep telling her that she needs to give her future step-mother a chance, that this gal could actually be a nice person, but it’s still difficult for my daughter to wrap her head around.  I hope he and his fiance are very happy together and that she is everything he ever wanted and needs because I know I sure wasn’t – but neither was he those things for me.

My love life is  non-existent, I’ve purposefully tried not to date (although it isn’t hard, I have yet to find a single person interested in taking me out on a date) because for the last year I’ve been planing on moving out of state and it would be just rude to start a relationship and then leave.  I have slight hopes that I will find a Cowboy Charming in Montana but ultimately I’m not expecting anything to happen.  I seem to be one of those people that “everybody” loves but nobody wants to date all at the same time.  It’s OK.  Ever since I left him I have been relieved to the point of tears that I don’t have to have sex with anyone anymore.  Ever.  Unless I Want To.  Which I haven’t…

Yep, sex is still a pretty big button with me.  Hopefully I can find a good counselor in Montana, another thing I’ve put off because “I’m moving” and didn’t want to start with a counselor here and then have to switch to someone new just after I’m starting to make some progress.  Ugh.

I’m excited about the move but I’m also nervous and a little scared.  I have no job or housing there, no friends or family in the exact town I’m moving to, as of yet I don’t have any financial aid or student loans secured because I haven’t filed my taxes from last year.  The school I plan on attending starts January 23rd and I’m planning on moving in exactly four weeks.  Oh boy.  But I’ve trusted God to get me this far and His timing has been perfect, I know He will continue to provide for me and everything will be good.