Yes, I named this blog entry after a soap opera because it fits…

Well then!  Just over a month since Christmas and life has done a 90 degree turn in a completely new direction, I’ll try to hit the highlights…

My step-mom was deeply offended that I went to a movie with Sean’s family on Christmas day.  She texted me, all upset then refused to continue our texting conversation when I was trying to apologize, saying that we needed to speak face to face… but when I offered to meet her at my next available time she said it was a bad time because she was having Christmas with her daughter, grandson and family.  That my daughter and I weren’t invited to and weren’t welcome to attend.  The next chance I had to get up and see them was early January, two days after Tina’s birthday that they ignored, and I tried to talk about the whole Christmas issue with her and she brushed it off saying that she was just hurt but we were OK now.  She still wouldn’t discuss it with me… at all.  So I went back home and stopped any non-essential communication with her and my father, at least for now.

New Year’s Eve weekend I had to work so that was fairly uneventful.  Work, by the way, at the restaurant, is going well.  We are all one big, happy family there, everyone gets along and we look out for each other, it’s a place I go to and feel loved and accepted.  Work is great!

School is less great.  More like not great at all, ugh.  Coming back from a week off for Christmas break was so very hard.  I literally slept 12 – 14 hours every day during Christmas break and was finally starting to feel good by the time school started again but somehow that made going to back to school and 14 hour days even harder.  On top of just being physically draining and exhausting I was shorted $860 in my final financial aid payment in a way that is completely “legal” and I have no way of disputing.  At the moment I am slated to graduate around March 15th and I cannot wait to be out of there so I force myself to go every day but I spend a lot of time hiding in the bathroom, playing on my phone just to keep my sanity.  I will never recommend that anybody goes there.  Ever.

Tina’s 21st birthday was in early January and I took the day off of school and work and Sean and I took her into the “big city” where my folks live and we went ice skating, shopping and to a movie before coming back to meet friends at their favorite bar.  Ice skating was fun, I fell down once, she fell down three or four times and Sean, who had never ice skated in his life, didn’t fall down at all, lol.  We saw Ferdinand the Bull and it was super cute, lots of fun.  She got pretty drunk at the bar, but it was her 21st and she was safe with Sean and our other friends.  I left early as it was a school night and I’m not really into the bar scene anyway.

Tina was beginning to become dissatisfied with her relationship with Sean and that made me sad, they just seem so perfect for each other, he is so good with and for her, how could she possibly have problems with him?  But she could not focus on anything but what she saw as his flaws and decided to break up with him.  It was a Thursday night and she and Sean were working at the restaurant together, he confronted her about what was wrong, she seemed to be avoiding him or mad at him or something like that and she just broke up with him right then and there, in the middle of a work shift instead of at least waiting until after work or something a little more reasonable where a proper discussion could be had.  The reason she gave him was that she “needs some space”.

She broke his heart.  He cried a lot.  And yet he still told her to continue using his vehicle because hers stopped running in October and she’s been driving his all this time.  He still wanted to be her friend and take care of her as best he could, as much as she would let him.  He made me promise him that I would keep her safe since she wouldn’t let him do it anymore…

That was January 18th.  That same night, after she got home, she took a pregnancy test and lo and behold, I am going to be a grandma!

Sadly, that changed nothing.  She still does not want to be with him.  She doesn’t want to even talk to him about why she broke up with him so all he has are some vague, general ideas that he must have done something wrong but he doesn’t really know what.

In spite of all of this Sean still loves her dearly.  He is excited about the baby and wants to be involved in it’s life as much as she will allow.  He pursues being her friend and clings to hope that they will become more later.  We all still work together and it’s hard to tell that they’ve broken up.  There is still lots of smiles and laughter between them at work.  He does everything he can to make her happy, including pulling 98% of his affection back and treating her like any other co-worker because that’s what she asked him for.

I feel like I’m watching God try to get the fact that He loves the Israelites across to them while they wander the desert…

This has been the hardest thing for me to stand back and see without being able to really help either of them.  I think Tina is young and dumb for walking away from Sean.  He’s not perfect but neither is she and I’ve never met anyone who loves another human being so completely and deeply.  He still weeps, often, that she doesn’t seem to want to have anything to do with him as a man or a boyfriend but it doesn’t stop him from picking himself up and trying again to be a better friend to her and meet whatever needs she has and I know he will make a great father.  He even makes sure that I’m OK and helps me with whatever I tell him that I need as well.  He calls me “Glamma” and gives me lots of hugs – which I need – but it’s never weird.  Just pure affection.  I told him we are family forever now and he is my son, no matter what.

I didn’t even know love like that existed and honestly, I’ve kind of given up thinking I’m going to find it because how could there possibly be two men out there like Sean?  And if there are, what are the odds that I could possibly find the second one since my daughter has found – and rejected – the first one?  And if I ever do find him what are the chances that he’ll actually like me back?  I think I’ll have better luck winning the lotto…  I should start playing…

Speaking of dating, I did go back onto two different dating sites, wound up going on four dates with three guys (one of them asked me om a second date) before once again cancelling my memberships.  None of the guys were right for me and I need to focus on finishing school and now on my pregnant daughter.  And on my new son.

My ex-husband took the news of Tina’s pregnancy in typical ass-hat fashion.  I was sitting in the car with her when she called him and could hear everything he said.  I watched her face fall and then crumble as he said things like “I wish I could say ‘Congratulations’ and ‘I’m happy for you’ but you know that I can’t…”  He’s so hung up on the legalities of the situation, that she is not married to Sean and is in fact still legally married to that jerk in the Navy that he couldn’t even say a simple “Congratulations!  I’m excited to be a grandpa!”

I used real swear words aimed in his direction that day…

I sent her father a text, giving him a piece of my mind, reminding him that Jesus loves everyone unconditionally and his response was that  “Jesus loves PEOPLE unconditionally but never does he condone our sin.”  Because judging them is obviously his job… oh wait, isn’t there a verse that says “judge not”???

And he wonders why Tina doesn’t want to have a whole lot to do with him… grrr…

My folks are also off the Christmas card list.  I texted them the pregnancy news and she responded with a “Oh my” and an embarrassed/ashamed face emoji.  My father still hasn’t responded to that text at all and it’s been 10 days…  My brothers, at least, said the appropriately happy things and dear old Ex did send an apology text to Tina after I called him on the carpet but it was a day late and a dollar short.  All she can think of is that he doesn’t believe that her child should be born and that pisses her off something fierce.  He may never be able to repair this damage.

Please say prayers that Tina will get over these tiny things that irritate her about Sean and at least have a conversation with him about their relationship, leading to a complete reconciliation so they can raise this child together.  Please pray Sean does not get weary in dealing with her fickleness during this time and walk away from her forever.  Please pray for a safe pregnancy – she’s already had 2 miscarriages (although I’m pretty sure her father only knows about one…) and is possibly high risk.  Please pray all the alcohol she consumed until she found out she was pregnant does not affect the baby.  Please pray for my health, energy and sanity to hold out so that I can finish school and be there for her during this time.

Please pray.

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